Swine flu. Run for my life!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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