Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
