dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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