I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
