Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
