she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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