You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
