I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
