so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
