I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
