Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
