I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
