It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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