Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
