hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
no, he came in my armpit
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
