I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Randomize
