16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This is the high leading the old right now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
