I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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