isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
