A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
