Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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