Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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