I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
