he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
