what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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