Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
