someone threw a dead crab at me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
