Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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