Will you blow on my dice?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
