Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
