Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
