Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
