I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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