I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
