just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sorry about my life...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
