Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
