I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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