So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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