dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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