The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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