Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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