i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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