Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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