Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I need to stop coming to work sober
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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