He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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