maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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