sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
not ubering you a puppy
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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