Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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