I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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