Soap is not a condiment
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
