I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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